Venom Ultra Light
Review by the Bitter Box Office
Welcome back to the Bitter Box Office. It has been a while since we all came together to
complain about movies. Let’s start fresh and get this train rolling. Join me and together we will
rule the galaxy as father and son. We start with one of the most talked about movies (more like
complained about movies) of 2018. Sony’s Venom. Spolier alert: Spider-man is not in this
movie. What? Oh my GOD what is that!!!! Ok ok ok let us do this.
Tom Hardy plays Eddie Brock. A reporter who has a terrible Chicago, Bostonian, New
York, or Missouri accent. It is awul. That is all you need to know. He is currently engaged to
Michelle Williams character whose name I forgot. There is something about a spaceship crash
landing on earth, a research institute scooping up some goo, and an evil corporate conspiracy
to bond this goo with hosts to do something of which I am not sure. It is all very basic and easy
to follow. We know the story. Eddie bonds with the Symbiote and they become an inseparable
pair. Now he hears voices in his head and he is on the run from the corporation trying to retrieve
We were promised this movie was going to be rated R. It absolutely is not. I remember
Tom Hardy making his rounds to the different Comic Con conventions promising us this
would be the Venom movie we all wanted. It is NOT! You can tell they edited this movie down to
the bare necessities to achieve a PG-13 rating. At one point Michelle Williams character is left in
the forest like 9 miles away from a research facility as Venom pursues the “villain” of the movie
and not even 30 seconds later she appears in said facility to help out Venom. Ridiculous! That is
lazy. And they try and make Venom a good guy. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The
Lethal Enforcer story line in the comics is the worst. And that is what we get here, Venom good
guy Mcgee. No thanks.
One good note. The end credit scene is wonderful. Like truly awesome. Worth the price
of admission. Other than that wait till it’s free on F/X one weekend while you’re folding laundry.
Apparently Sony wants to turn this franchise into a Silver Sable spin off series and countless
other Spider-man spin offs that don’t actually have Spider-man in any of the movies. What an
awful awful awful idea. I got an equally awful idea. Let’s make a TV show in the Batman
universe but only focus on Alfred. Good thing nobody will ever make that.
The beer you should drink with this movie is Michelob Ultra Light because like this movie its light with no flavor!
Final Score: 6.1 out of 10