Venom Ultra Light


Review by the Bitter Box Office

Welcome back to the Bitter Box Office. It has been a while since we all came together to

complain about movies. Let’s start fresh and get this train rolling. Join me and together we will

rule the galaxy as father and son. We start with one of the most talked about movies (more like

complained about movies) of 2018. Sony’s Venom. Spolier alert: Spider-man is not in this

movie. What? Oh my GOD what is that!!!! Ok ok ok let us do this.

Tom Hardy plays Eddie Brock. A reporter who has a terrible Chicago, Bostonian, New

York, or Missouri accent. It is awul. That is all you need to know. He is currently engaged to

Michelle Williams character whose name I forgot. There is something about a spaceship crash

landing on earth, a research institute scooping up some goo, and an evil corporate conspiracy

to bond this goo with hosts to do something of which I am not sure. It is all very basic and easy

to follow. We know the story. Eddie bonds with the Symbiote and they become an inseparable

pair. Now he hears voices in his head and he is on the run from the corporation trying to retrieve

their goo.

We were promised this movie was going to be rated R. It absolutely is not. I remember

Tom Hardy making his rounds to the different Comic Con conventions promising us this

would be the Venom movie we all wanted. It is NOT! You can tell they edited this movie down to

the bare necessities to achieve a PG-13 rating. At one point Michelle Williams character is left in

the forest like 9 miles away from a research facility as Venom pursues the “villain” of the movie

and not even 30 seconds later she appears in said facility to help out Venom. Ridiculous! That is

lazy. And they try and make Venom a good guy. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The

Lethal Enforcer story line in the comics is the worst. And that is what we get here, Venom good

guy Mcgee. No thanks.

One good note. The end credit scene is wonderful. Like truly awesome. Worth the price

of admission. Other than that wait till it’s free on F/X one weekend while you’re folding laundry.

Apparently Sony wants to turn this franchise into a Silver Sable spin off series and countless

other Spider-man spin offs that don’t actually have Spider-man in any of the movies. What an

awful awful awful idea. I got an equally awful idea. Let’s make a TV show in the Batman

universe but only focus on Alfred. Good thing nobody will ever make that.

The beer you should drink with this movie is Michelob Ultra Light because like this movie its light with no flavor!

Final Score: 6.1 out of 10

Dwayne LusbyComment