Breaking Up is Hard to Food!

Double Bacon Smokehouse Burger

If you learn anything about me from reading these blogs its this, I am full of shit. In my last review I said I would never review McDonald’s ever again. Well people change OK? I took a good hard look in the mirror and realized that I was mad about chicken tenders. And I cant stay mad at McDonald’s. They will always be there for you in your time of need. I wouldn’t say we had a "fight" but more of a lovers quarrel. I put on my soccer mom wig, my Lululemon yoga pants and I wrote them a sternly worded complaint. Then I moved on. Forgive and forget. Unlike Five Guys I will always hate that place. Would you rather eat at Five Guys, or send your kids to college. You pick! Enough blabbering onto the review!

The Double Bacon Smokehouse Burger is described on their website as "A hearty double burger made with unexpected flavor combinations, including crispy Apple wood smoked bacon, smoky bacon-onion sauce, two slices of real white cheddar, mild sweet mustard sauce and in-house fried onion strings. Stacked with two 100% fresh beef 1/4 lb.* patties that are hotter**, juicier** and cooked when you order. Served on an artisan roll". Wow. Whoever writes those for them deserves a raise.They etched a Statue of David out of a turd with that one. In all seriousness though this is McDonald’s most ambitious burger in their line of signature craft burgers. Its flavor profile was all over the place, like the list of ingredients. It had saltiness from the beef and bacon, tanginess from the mild mustard, sweetness from the bacon onion sauce, and crunch from the fried onion strings.

All those flavor combinations should work together nicely right? Well it does and it doesn’t. One bite I would think, "wow this is really good". The next bite I would think, "there’s too much shit on this burger what are they doing". It just didn’t feel balanced. Like I said it was ambitious, but falls short because of it. My favorite part was probably the mustard. It almost tasted like honey mustard. Ditch the bacon onion sauce or the actual bacon. Its not 2017 anymore McDonald’s. You don’t need to put bacon on something to try and be interesting. There is another problem with the burger and its a pretty big one. My sandwich, large fries, and drink came to $9.87. 10 dollars for one meal at McDonald’s seems almost criminal. That is ridiculously expensive for that restaurant. This is the place that helped me survive during college. With 1 dollar McChickens, 1 dollar Cheeseburgers. Its cheap, its fast, its easy, and its really good when you are hammered. But 10 bucks?? They are edging closer to Five Guys pricing with that nonsense. I wish restaurants would just be themselves. Taco Bell does it. They don’t give a fuck about trends, being organic, being artisan, or any of that other millennial bullshit. They know their customer base is stoners and drunks. So what do they do? They make a taco shell out of Doritos. Bam! History is made. Millions of Dorito tacos sold in its first year. Burger King is out there trying to be McDonald’s with Big Mac rip offs, McDonald’s is out there trying to please hipster millennial who don’t even eat their food. I don’t know what the fuck Wendy’s is doing with their lives. BE YOURSELF fast food places. I beg you. But this is what we are stuck with. McDonald’s trying to be something its not. Its the salad debacle all over again. Nobody is going to McDonald’s to eat healthy. 90 percent of the people there will shame eat it in their car, trying to figure out where exactly their life went wrong. They put out these artisan burgers and it impresses nobody. Its an over priced, just okay burger. It has great flavor one minute, and then its a mess the next. I wouldn’t spend 10 bucks on it again.

The beer I would pair with the Double Bacon Smokehouse Burger is a Pabst Blue Ribbon. You will feel less shitty knowing you spent 10 dollars on a burger at McDonald’s when you drink beer that cost a nickel.

I give the Double Bacon Smokehouse Burger 2 beers out of 5.


Dwayne LusbyComment