The Nut Cracker
It feels like yesterday, I was writing about how great it was that fall was in full swing. But here we are early November, and winter is coming. The nights are getting longer, the days are getting colder. Pumpkin spice is being fazed out and peppermint is finding its way into everything. Your wife/girlfriend/SO is looking at your free weekends for the rest of the month and filling them up with stupid shit that girls like to fill them up with. Apple picking, professional photos in tree farms, cider festivals, you name it. If its fall related, dumb, and something you don’t want to do, its already on your calendar. Its just a fact of life. You might be thinking, well there is only a couple weeks of fall left. That’s what they want you to think. Women are smart. Way smarter then men. You see, festivals never really end do they. The seasons change almost as fast as the festivals. Yeah you may not be dragged to Circleville Pumpkin Show this weekend, or the next. But I promise you, there is a Nutcracker Market in your future my friend. You just don’t know it yet! And the only chestnuts that will be roasting, are your own. What does this have to do with Taco Bells Double Chalupa?? Absolutely nothing. On to the review!
The Double Chalupa is the next LTO in the line of doubles that Taco Bell has been rolling out. Its not a new item. They had them last year. Its very similar to the XXL Chalupa of yester-year. Its essentially a gigantic chalupa, filled to the brim with beef, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and sour cream. You know, the same 5 ingredients that make up every Taco Bell item. You can get them in the regular version or the spicy version. And spicy is just Spanish for "a metric fuck ton of jalapenos, as you can tell by the picture.
I have a special treat for you readers this week. There is a Double Chalupa box you can order for 5 bucks. It has the Double Chalupa, a hard shell taco, cinnamon twists and a drink all for 5 bucks. Its a really great deal! But that is for the feeble minded. You see I am a Taco Bell professional. First switch that regular hard shell taco out for one of the Doritos Locos tacos. We don’t got time for regular tacos. Secondly, get rid of those nasty ass twists. Who likes those? Why are they a thing? Instead trade those out for some nachos and a cup of cheese. Final step: Profit. Because you just ordered Taco Bell like a pro. 5 bucks for all of that is the makings of a fantastic lunch. And makes for an even better dinner when you go back and order it again in a couple hours. The Double Chalupa is great. Its huge, its filling. Us Taco Bell professionals even give it a loving pet name. We call it "The Meat Canoe". Because that is what it looks like, and that’s what it is. A crispy canoe of meat that will lead you on a maiden voyage, straight to diarrheaville. Margaritavilles less popular cousin.
The beer I would pair with the Double Chapula is Shiner Hoiday Cheer. Because if you can’t have your own nuts, at least you can have some flavored in your beer.
I give the Double Chalupa from Taco Bell 4 beers out of 5.